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Internet Tendency |
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Mc Sweeney’s Internet Tendency Daily humor almost every day since 1998. Daily humor almost every day since 1998. |
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An Update From Your University’s Vice President of Academic Affairs “I would like to thank all departments for their cooperation during the unprecedented crisis of this past semester. Our adjuncts were euthanized in an orderly fas***on, save for a few who ran into the woods and had to be hunted down by campus security.” by Ken Mondschein |
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Short Imagined Monologues Senator Susan Collins Responds to the Federal Government’s Deployment of People-Eating Machines to End Protests “I will not stay silent in the face of worldwide condemnation of these atrocities. All Americans, particularly those of voting age in what’s left of the great state of Maine, should know that I will think long and hard about whether to support the president for reelection.” by Ian Joyce |
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Lists Maslow’s Hierarchy of Post-Pandemic Wish Fulfillment Fantasies “PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS : time limits on Zoom; eggs made by a stranger; and getting a godd**** minute of peace and quiet.” by Amanda J. Bermudez |
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An Evening of Carnal Delights as Envisioned By My 10-Year-Old Self “I apply my perfume. I am 32, which means I am old enough to spray a cloud of Britney Spears Circus perfume and then walk through it, letting the little droplets of perfume shower my bouncy curls and my big adult b*****.” by Lillian Stone |
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Yes, the Empire Blew Up Another Planet, But Do You Really Need to Attack the Death Star? “The fact is, the Death Star has already said they don’t have any footage of the incident, so you just have to take their word that the peaceful forest planet of tiny owls was resisting.” by Andy Ward |
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May 21, 2020 A Note From Your University About Its Plans for Next Semester |
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May 12, 2020 Here’s How Time Works Now |
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May 15, 2020 A University President Responds to Those Who Have Suggested the School Should Dip Into the Endowment |
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June 1, 2020 I Am Your Progressive Mayor and I Think We Need to Cut Our Roving Death Squads a Bit of Slack |
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May 18, 2020 I Was In Charge of the Deck Chairs On the t**anic, and They Absolutely Did Need Rearranging |
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June 5, 2020 An Update From Your University’s Vice President of Academic Affairs |
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June 6, 2020 The Reserves |
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June 5, 2020 A Surprise Birthday Party |
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June 4, 2020 In and Out |
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June 3, 2020 A Note About Tear Gas |
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June 3, 2020 Thank You for Your Service |
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June 2, 2020 A Force Outside Myself: Citizens Over 60 Speak |
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June 1, 2020 About the San Francisco Protests In Honor of George Floyd, and Remembering Mario Woods, Jessica Williams, and Decynthia Clements |
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Behold the heroes on our Patreon Donor Wall of Fame! |
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June 4, 2020 Things You’re Learning About White People When You’re Their Only Black Friend |
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June 4, 2020 We Must Use the Military to Protect America From Its Greatest Threat: America |
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June 3, 2020 If War Correspondents Reported On the American Protests In the Same Way They Reported On Protests In Other Countries |
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June 3, 2020 Black Lives Matter: A Message to Our Customers from Commerce Corp |
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June 1, 2020 The Only Acceptable Form of Black Protest Is to Stand in This Field In Rural Nebraska and Scream Into the Void |
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